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Garma
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Heritage |
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. Marriages in Punjab As in every society, Punjabi society has its traditions to mark every stage of life from birth to death. Perhaps no other life-event is more surrounded by tradition than marriage. Throughout India, most marriages are arranged by the couple’s families and a generation ago it was not uncommon for bride and bridegroom to meet for the first time at the marriage ceremony itself. Nowadays, the personal preferences of the young people are given greater importance and families accept the children’s’ wish to get to know the potential spouse before making a commitment. Given the fact that marriage in India represents a very strong, lifetime commitment and society accepts divorce only in the most extreme circumstances, this is a very understandable wish.
The wedding itself is a grand affair stretching over several days and attended by all the relatives and innumerable friends. For nights before the ceremony, women gather to sing and dance. The bridegroom’s entourage, the barat, has its own customs to observe – more singing and dancing, decking up the bridegroom, tying a sort of ornamental veil, the sehra, over his face, leading him in procession, often on horseback, to the marriage venue to the accompaniment of a brass band. Milani is the ceremonial welcome of the barat at the gate of the marriage venue – more gifts change hands with the bridegroom’s family on the receiving end. Feasting is on a lavish scale.
A sect of the Sikhs, the Namdharis, as an article of faith, marry very simply and often in ceremonies where many couples are married at the same time. The parents of the boy and the girl settle the marriage but the approval of the head of the Namdhari sect is essential. Unlike Hindu and conventional Sikh marriages, dowry is not a part of the Namdhari marriage and the couples are dressed in simple white clothes. The scarves worn by the girl and boy and knotted together, and hymns from the Granth Sahib are sung. A trend seen in recent times is
to go through the procedures of the Indian Civil Marriage Act. 1956,
after the traditional marriage has taken place. This is usually done
because the couple plan to migrate to a foreign country and the civil
marriage is useful in the matter of getting passports. The civil
marriage is also frequently preferred by couples who belong to different
castes or religions, or sometimes when they simply want to avoid a very
costly and ostentatious ceremony.
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After the young people have made up their mind to marry, the
first step is a simple ceremony called rokai or thaka. The
girl’s father, accompanied by some friends and relatives, visits the
young man’s house and presents sweets and a small gift of money. The
engagement ceremony, or mangani, takes place when the boy’s
family returns the visit and in the presence of friends and relatives
the intended marriage is announced. Prayers are said at this time, and
the couple exchange gifts.
After this, both Sikh and Hindu weddings are
marked by more feasting. The concluding item is doli, literally
"palanquin", when the bride is given an emotional send off to her new
home and family. More ceremonies await the bride at her husband’s home
but the main extravaganza is over. Another point of difference between
Hindu and Sikh marriages is that Hindu marriages are usually performed
at night, while Sikh marriages are performed in the morning.